Happy October!

Some people like the pumpkin and fall colors, but October is an exciting time because it means there are only 2.5 months left of this semester. It feels like it's just started though, which I suppose is good for my morale.

Here are some photos from my trip to my Iowa family home. It was a lovely time, and I brought along two girlfriends who were really excited to see the farm. Of course, my Iowa fam was extraordinarily gracious and hospitable and the sweetest people in the world.

Birthday cupcakes!

The moisture levels in the corn have to be
juuuust right.

HELLO!

Dent corn. Some of this goes to ethanol,
some of it goes to the Quaker Oats factory

Who wouldn't be calmer here?

Recent news:

• I joined a women's Bible study at church. The other girls in my group are either my fellow medical student girlfriends, or audiology grad students, or speech language pathology grad students. There's also a nurse and a biochemistry grad student. Neat! I am really, really, really selfish with my time and had to really muster up the resolve to join a small group.
• I haven't been baking a lot because I've been extremely disciplined with work (for those who follow my google calendar, I actually added two for school, and neither of them are visible to friends. I've been told I stress people out with all of my color blocks), but hopefully that will change soon because I want to bake my lab members a box full of goodies.
• Life has been stable and emotionally so as well. This semester just feels better than the last, and the one before that.
• I've been doing really well in school. But then I realize, our class average is the highest it's been, hovering around 88% on most exams...so I'm mostly average. But I'm used to it.
• There have been many old friends that I've been meaning to keep up with, and I think of them often, but the sheer volume of work (and again, my selfishness) makes it so difficult. Because I took the farm trip (a full 27 hours without studying--eek!) I didn't sleep Sunday night or yesterday night. 
• We're transitioning into real-patient interactions on the hospital floor, which is great! I think being in the wards better utilizes my other gifts (because things like biochemistry and pathophysiology really aren't strengths of mine) and I'll be much happier in third year. 

Going home

I'm going home on Friday but it doesn't feel the same this time.

The last three times I've gone home from Iowa, it was a welcomed respite from studying and feeling awful and being all sorts of stressed out and physically sick. The mere thought of going home--to see my parents, to sleep in my comfy bed, to be warm for a change, to rest from school, to see friends, to eat good Chinese food--was the only thing keeping me from breaking down and crying all the time during my first semester and parts of the second. Home kept me hopeful.

To go home at the end of summer is different.

I've been having an enjoyable summer here doing research that interests me, with a wide variety of clinical opportunities. I've found a niche. I've cemented some new friendships and bonded with classmates I hadn't expected to like. I've kept in touch with my family through FaceTime now that my parents got new iPhones. Basically, I haven't felt the desperation that I associate with the daily grind of medical school.

But I'm happy to go home nonetheless. It'll be my last time before Thanksgiving or Christmas, depending on my workload. With only three weeks in between the holidays, it's a hard decision to spend $500-650 on a plane ticket, but those three weeks also feel like an eternity at that point. Last year it was worth every penny. I'm going to try to make the most of my time at home for now.

Day in the Life as a Summer Research Fellow

7:00am: Wake up. Wear clothes that can be layered (in case of thunderstorms), not too warm or constrictive (95% humidity here), not too short (animal handling safety practices), not too casual (in case of clinic call). So...basically a blouse and leggings.

8:00am: Bus to school.

8:20am: Arrive at school, inhale the smell of the new animal facility they just put on the ground floor. The smell reminds me of a super yeasty and spoiled loaf of bread.

8:25am: Put on my lab coat, clip on my ID badge, and grab my cell phone. We're headed to the tunnel dungeon.

8:30am: Scan my hand to go to the animal facility. The biggest stressor of my first few weeks was not getting the hand scan to work properly. I had to scan my hand over a dozen times before the access would unlock.

8:35am: Say hello to my mice in the red room. They are the cutest little things. My undergrad nicknamed me the mouse whisperer because I speak soothingly and the mice never bite or jump when I handle them. Oh yeah, the red room is what I call it, since the lights emit red light that mice can't detect. Thus to them, it's completely dark. To me, it's a Stephen King horror film waiting to happen.

8:40am: Treat my mice. Drugs, yo. I speak in Chinese with my mice just for practice.

8:55am: Treat my other mice. These are very fat and I've nicknamed them Chubs 1-7.

9:30am: Return to the lab. Check my email. Attempt to write my paper. Drink coffee that I brought from home since I'm trying not to spend any more money on coffee this summer. I already purchase lunch from the cafeteria daily so...

11:30am: Think about lunch. Facebook. Snapchat my lab friends (I always said I was too old for this but yeah, that happened...I'm not proud to admit it). Snapchat my friends about lunch.

12:00pm: LUNCH! We rotate between the hospital cafeteria, school cafe, and the nice atrium dining room (if we're feeling fancy). Keeps the mundane (and overpriced) hospital food tolerable.

1:00pm: Scurry back to lab. By this time, the undergrads will have arrived, ready for their afternoon assignments. Sometimes I tag along and practice on their experiments. Sometimes I give them work to do. Sometimes they teach me stuff. Sometimes I just sit and analyze my own data.

3:00pm: Semi-doze off at my desk. Listen to people talk about the World Cup (well, I guess that's over now).

4:00pm: Back to the animal facility for my second round of treatments!

5:00pm: HOME. Kick off my shoes. Faceplant on the couch. Think about how many mouse allergens are stuck to my skin and clothing. Eat a snack. Cucumbers have been my staple lately. Go figure.

5:30pm: Haul my unwilling body to the gym for High Intensity Training (HIT).  Find street parking at the gym, which is easy because people don't know how to parallel park here. Spots galore.

6:00pm: Sweat. Sweat. Sweat.

7:00pm: DINNER! My second favorite time of the day. The first is right after HIT ends. It is one of the best feelings to be able to chat with friends and eat regular meals. I don't get to do that ever during the school year. It feels like learning how to be normal all over again.

8:30pm: Shower and sit down to do some work. Analyze data. Write stuff. Plan my next experiment. Read Journals. On Wednesdays I go to a prayer meeting or lead it. Sometimes I bake things.

11:00pm: Go to bed. Read a book. I have several I'm currently reading. I'll tell you about them sometime soon.

7:00am: Repeat gladly.

Where did June go?

June seems to have been spent baking treats and treating mice. Oh, and exercising a lot! Did I ever tell you that I don't really exercise during the school year? There simply isn't time for me to drive three miles to the gym (can't exercise outside, too hot or too snowy) and even if I did, I need to save my energy for studying! For real.

But anyways, since it's the summer, I attend a bunch of exercise classes a week with med friends (I miss Abs & Back at Berkeley, but High Intensity Training at UI is on a whole 'nother level). One of my workout buddies happens to be a large body builder who benches ~300lbs, and he thought that these group fitness classes were "just for chicks." Well, we proved him wrong. And he's been coming with me for a month now. We're getting a group together and it's been fun! Plus there's not a day that I'm not sore from one of the classes, which means I waddle around lab and groan and moan on a daily basis.

We just hosted a conference on one of the diseases that my PI researches, and it was the most inspirational weekend I'd had in a long time. Meeting patients with this rare disease from all over the country was so impactful that after each plenary session I ran to lab to conduct my experiments with renewed resolve. It's the race to find the cure in an academic, philanthropic way, really. And my school just built a $3 million GMP facility right under our noses, and our future in gene therapy and stem cell research is mind blowing.

June was truly a game changer.

Living for the weekend, sort of

Summer has been fantastic. Here are some things that transpired in the last week:

• Learned some mouse techniques...from undergrads
• Had sushi three times in five days
• Went on a date
• Had a lovely brunch with girlfriends (more to come, I'm sure)
• Went rock climbing at the gym for the first time. It was terrifying. 
• Went to a house party last night and might have surpassed my limit of 2 drinks...
• Shadowed at the ophthalmology clinic  

Sorry there is no conclusion. I'm a little tired from festivities. The end. 

I feel like this is the only place...

Where I can tell you that I scored 100% on my Histology Microscope Final exam and not be judged for it.

Nine students out of 153 achieved it, so I'd say it wasn't the easiest thing I'd ever done...but I happen to think human tissue slides are beautiful. If med school were entirely comprised of practical exams, I'd be golden. I guess I function better under timed pressure, where self-doubt has no time to creep in. It's always the self-doubt that gets me.

Neuroscience final tomorrow.
Human Organs Systems final on Friday.
 There's over 100 hours of lecture material for each exam.

I think I had a blackout/absent/partial complex seizure the other night (my roommate said the lights did NOT go out for several seconds) from being so stressed. I've also broken out in hives several times, and currently have a few inflamed metacarpal joints.

My body is trying to self-destruct to escape the pain of studying 18 hours a day for the last 20 days.

Deep breath.
Here we go.

Back to school

I ate the chocolate croissant that I brought back from Bouchon Bakery this morning. Now spring break is officially over.

The last several days have been a whirlwind of activity. Whenever I'm home, I try to cram in as much face time as possible with as many friends as possible...and I'd say it was a success. No biggie that I slept 4 hours on Friday night and 1 hour on Saturday night--I'm med school trained (haha). But I do always find it funny that I tend to sleep less at home than I do in med school, for different reasons.

Now, on to immunology and neuroscience (aka the bane of my existence). I'm still on Pacific Time, so it feels like 1045pm to me. Which is excellent, because that means I have another 3-4 hours of functional study time. I'll pay for it in the morning.

Scenes from this week

The BFF sent me a package! It was crammed full of useful
goodies with adorable sticky note annotations. Not pictured,
but another dear friend also sent me an Amazon gift card! Such
wonderful, practical friends!

My first full day of driving in snow from pre-
plowed roads in the morning until post-plowed
slush and ice in the evening. I lost control once
and it wasn't that bad.

Poor chap. Outdoor parking is rough! Good thing
Corollie stays a comfortable 40 degrees inside
my building.

T is demonstrating proper ice scraping technique.
Or maybe not so proper...we mostly wanted to
hurry and get take out.

I am hanging up every single card that I
receive while here in Iowa! Thanks friends for
being wonderful.

G gave me the cutest and funniest tea infuser.
Everyone agrees! I found out that I shouldn't
cram his trousers full of tea leaf pearls...they
expand and makes cleaning kinda tricky.

It's hard to park within the lines when the lines
are covered by snow. I just thought this was
funny. And no one ever tells you how dirty
your car gets from driving in slush!

First week back: Movies, movies, movies

Hello from Iowa, where it is currently 9 degrees outside with highs of 12 degrees today. I'm writing to you from the warmth of my apartment, having skipped all classes today in favor of watching them online.


This week has been fun, which I never thought I'd say in med school. Mostly because our coursework has been light, and this upcoming Monday is a holiday!


Last Monday, my friends kidnapped me and took me to an Italian restaurant, where the rest of the secret surprise party was waiting. We also played Cards Against Humanity. It was a fun way to spend our first night back to school. I feel very blessed to celebrate my birthday in multiple places with multiple groups of friends! Tuesday was a long day for me, since I had class from morning to a small group session at night. However, Tuesday is also $5 movie nights at the theater, and so we went to watch the Hobbit. Wednesday was a friend's birthday, and so I made these for him:

Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting

We surprised him and also watched Man of Steel at school. Yesterday, we watched Despicable Me and had Chik-fil-A (we have one about two miles from my place!!). It's been a week full of movies and minimal studying, as you can see. I know that things will pick up soon, but I'm enjoying the new semester as much as I can for now.

Twenty five

My BBF suggested that I write a "23 things I learned in 23 years" post last year. At the time, I didn't feel like I had that many things to share, so it never came to fruition. Or at the very least, I didn't want to list banal, complain-y non-revelations (loving people is hard/embracing change is hard/forgiving people is hard) without providing juicy details.


I still don't have any juicy details. But I am going to share with you as many favorite memories as I can of my 24th year of life as I move forward into my 25th. You might be wondering about the all the numbers and math in this post, and I assure you that it's all probably correct.

oops didn't round these corners and now it's too late

1. The Color Run with my girlfriends. Whereafter my snot was colorful and the shower ran blue for days. 
   
   
2. Despite reservations about what my life might look like, I made a last-minute decision to attend the University of Iowa for medical school over three other schools when they offered me a scholarship. I am content in finding out what God has in store for me in Iowa.
   
   
3. After dreaming about it for years, I finally went to Hawaii with K. It was magical. Peruse my Facebook album if you wish.
   
   
4. This technically happened before my 24th year of life, but J and I started going to an awesome church and established our weekly Sunday routine. It includes petting puppies and having unlimited soup and salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden. 
   
   
5. I left my job as a medical assistant at an ophthalmology office on a high note. When I left, my Boss Doctor pulled me aside and among the things he said was, "When you get into trouble in medical school, you'd better give me a call." I'm grateful for his parting words. They also got me a cake and treated me to dinner and (way too many) drinks at Osha Thai.
   
   
6. Having loads of time to bake things, and then having appreciative consumers of said goods (i.e., my coworkers).
   
   
7. Journal Club. Not because reading ophthalmology journals is interesting, but because I can say I've eaten at a Michelin-starred restaurant. Twice.
   
   
8. Alice's Summerthing taught me that waiting in line for three hours to watch Sara Bareilles in the rain is worth it, and waiting another three hours for Ed Sheeran to show up is not. Also, four dozen Krispy Kreme donuts.
   
   
9. July Fourth Fireworks from my Boss Doctor's place was spectacular and reminded me that San Francisco is a city like no other.
   
   
10. Being lucky enough to attend the weddings of two of my close friends in the same weekend.
    
    
11. Heart to hearts, sitting on my bed and crying, drinking hot tea, late night chats, Lake Merced walks (I think we did this only once on last New Year's Day), fancy high tea, Skype across the country, with my BFF.
    
    
12. A bunch of my friends humored the child in me and we all went to Water World before I left for Iowa! 
    
    
13. Aunt Vickie surprised me by moving in my apartment for me in Iowa, so all I had to do was show up. She thought of absolutely everything--down to stocking detergent tablets for my dishwasher and paintings for my room. She is incredible and you wish you had an aunt that loving.
    
    
14. C visited from Florida, and we shared many meals and laughs and walks on the beach. These were some of the last things I did before moving to Iowa.
    
    
15. My dad! He drove me and my mom to Iowa and stayed for two weeks while I settled in. When I dropped him off at the airport, he decided to walk me back to my car. I cried and he cried. I knew then that I'll always be a daddy's girl.
    
    
16. While Coat Ceremony! I don't remember the oath at all. I just wanted to not trip on the stage while being coated. 
    
    
17. Getting paired with T for Gross Anatomy Lab. He once nicked me with a scalpel blade ten seconds after our instructor said to be careful. Another time, he strummed the forearm tendons like a guitar, flicking bodily fluids into my face. During our last dissection, he smashed my hand with the cadaver's skull. Despite all of this, I couldn't have asked for a better partner.
    
    
18. Hot Pot in Iowa City with my new Californian transplant friends in my first couple of weeks of moving. It was a piece of home that I sorely needed. I'm thankful to have a small group of good friends in Iowa.
    
    
19. Exploring nature around my apartment area.
    
    
20. Phi Rho Halloween Party. Probably the most fun I've had in med school so far.
    
    
21. Receiving a care package every week from my mother. She sends everything from pocky (wrapped in bubble wrap) to Asian pears to pickled bamboo shoots. All things I can't get in Iowa...or at least I haven't tried because my mom supplies them all. 
    
    
22. Dog walking in SF with B and G (and C)!
    
    
23. Discovering Asian massages with my mother. I've had four or five now, and I get more and more used to it every time.
    
    
24. Catching up with friends at home over Thanksgiving and Winter Break. It was such a blessing to be able to come home for 8 days during Thanksgiving! Tickets were expensive, but worth it to be rejuvenated and finish the semester strong. 
    
    
25. Spending time with my brothers at home. Yes, watching Breaking Bad was a significant part of it. We did finish 5 whole seasons in 7 days, after all! But it was just nice to be all together again for the first time since summer.
    
    
26. New Year's Eve Party! Awesome food (prime rib, scalloped potatoes, crab biscuits, grilled shrimp, roasted veggies, apple turnovers a la mode, birthday cake, popcorn cart, bourbon, wine, champagne!), board games, and awesome company. Plus a bomb photo booth.
    
    
27.  So the last one is blank for a few reasons. One, because I already gave you a few bonus thoughts for the sake of making pretty 3x3 collages. Two, because twenty-five is just beginning.

First Semester of Med School Wrap-Up + Merry Christmas!

Hi friends! I'm writing you from the comfort of my home in the Bay. I thought I'd write a few reflections on my first semester of medical school at the Carver College of Medicine just so I can remember my journey later down the road.


The saying goes, "Once you're in medical school, they don't want you to fail. You're an investment. They'll get you through it." To premeds, the goal is to get into med school, and it's supposed to be smooth sailing from there. I found out the hard way that there IS such thing as failure, and it is something that I will probably be reacquainted with time and time again.


I honestly didn't expect medical school to be so difficult! Or, at least, I thought I would come in as one of 40 out-of-staters in my class and be stiff competition to Iowan classmates. It's not the most humble thought. It's JUST Iowa, right? I learned very early that I was wrong. I thought I studied a lot at Berkeley, but Carver College took it to a whole other level. If I could put a quantity on the intensity, duration, and focus of studying, I'd say I now study 3 to 4 times more than I did in college. Some of my classmates don't study at all and breeze through exams with top grades.


It was frustrating because something just didn't click with me. I thought I could transplant easily to the Midwest and have a fresh start, but it was rougher than I thought. I was far, far away from home for the first time in my life. I was going back to school after working for more than a year. I was coming out of a relationship. I was moving to a place that has very little cultural heterogeneity. I went home every after school and cried. I never allowed myself more than five minutes to dry my tears though, because I had to study. If I could sum up the academic aspect of medical school so far in one sentence, it would be, "I've never studied so hard to do so poorly in my life." The emotional/mental summary would be, "Med school is one of the loneliest, most isolating things I've ever experienced."


From the very beginning, I found a small group of good friends. We complain to each other all the time. But we also make time for one fun thing per week, and try to keep each other sane. It just so happens that I have made almost no close girlfriends, and most of the guys I hang out with are originally from California. I also joined the Christian fellowship at school, attend worship night one evening per week, and I found an awesome church that I hope to get more plugged into. That's about all the "extra" stuff that I do. Nothing else. It seems unbalanced to me at times, but then I have to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can.


And then there was the Month of Sickness. I got bronchitis in early November and recovered after Thanksgiving break. I'm at about 95% right now, but am still taking one inhaled steroid daily. The difference between studying in December and studying in November is like a blindfold and gag lifted. I honestly can't even remember much of November because of my drug-induced state (I watched a recorded patient interview and said aloud, "Wow, I said what?"). When I returned back to school after Thanksgiving, the most common comment I received was, "Wow! You look and sound like a human being again." I cherish my health and thank God for it everyday. November was the worst month academically for me, which put much more pressure to do well on my finals.


Regarding my biochem final that I told you about in my last post--I've never been so anxious about a test before--not even the MCAT (which, unlike med school, you can take multiple times with no penalty). This was my last hurdle of the semester, and my worst subject. If I could draw my own blood and measure the cortisol hormone levels, I'm sure they would've been through the roof. Every night I prayed I wouldn't fail and have to remediate over summer break (a very real, historically probable event). I was so jealous of my classmates who passed the course without even taking the final. They hosted Christmas parties and did fun things while I sat in a classroom, furiously memorizing any detail my brain would accept. Luckily, my friends helped me through it with donuts, coffee, shoulder massages, and lots of encouragement. I know that there are bigger things in life than just a biochemistry exam, and I tried to balance my self-absorption with thoughts about my friends at home, their families, and things going on in the world. It's tough to keep perspective you might possibly spend your ONLY summer in med school on repeating a hellish class that makes you miserable.


At 1:30am before our 8am final, T drove me home safely in freezing rain (the most hazardous of all weather conditions). I slept uneasily until 6am, put on a pot of stronger-than-usual french press coffee, and reviewed what I had learned over several days. I felt ready! The test was 35 multiple-choice questions over 3 hours. I worked at a brisk pace and finished it in 20 minutes. Then I double-triple-quadruple checked over the next hour, counting my "confident" answers to make sure I had at least the 18 points that I needed to pass the class with a Marginal Pass (70%) and 23 points that I needed to Pass with 73%. I was confident on at least 25 questions, but still couldn't breathe until the key was posted. Turns out I got 32/35 right! I jumped up and down in my apartment and screamed and did all sorts of silly things...which was actually a bigger reaction than even getting into medical school. And that's how I officially passed my first semester at UIowa. Maybe not with flying colors like I'd once hoped, but I did the best in my circumstances. Praise the Lord! He made a way when I didn't think there was one.


Which brings me to now. It's Christmas today! What a great reminder that Jesus' birth means hope and redemption for me. It means that great things can start small, and miracles do happen. I'm going to spend the season re-evaluating the important things in my life, and reminding myself to hang onto them when things get tough again next semester (and for the next 3.5 years). But God is good, all the time! I know I won't need to get through it alone.

I'm grateful for you reading this blog post! Thanks for being my invisible supporters. Merry Christmas!

Home for Thanksgiving!

I made it! It is splendid to be home with my loving parents, backyard cats, wonderful friends, and warm weather! These three and a half months have been some of the longest of my life, and certainly the longest I'd ever been away from home.


I'm recuperating daily, but have a few more checkups before I can return to Iowa with (hopefully) a clean bill of health. It's been a rough few weeks, and I'm excited to be a fully functioning being again, without my "sick station"--purell, tissue box, hot water, cough drops--following me everywhere.


My dad gave me a freshly cut rose from the garden this morning, and my mom cooked me my favorite dishes. I've been seeing friends in this beautiful (but was it always this congested and trafficky?) city and it is wonderful. If I don't catch you this time, I'll be home in another month for winter break!

Keep my eyes above the waves

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior

There is beauty in this place. I'm glad I have people to share it with!

Care Packages

 

Without fail, my parents have mailed me a large care package every single week that I've lived in Iowa (that's 8 if you were counting, but I think I was the only one). Each box weighs as much as my mom dares to fit into the biggest fixed rate Priority Mail box, which she packs meticulously with no gaps. When I get the magic key for accessing the USPS package locker, I always run-walk excitedly up to my 4th floor apartment, arms aching from lugging a 20-lb treasure chest.

My mom has mailed me everything from shacha sauce, canned lychees, grass jelly drinks, canned roasted eel, bamboo shoots, Pocky (lovingly bubble wrapped), to rubber bands, vitamins, and velcro strips. It's funny what mothers can think of!

I am so grateful for my parents, sending their love in the form of food as only Chinese parents can.

The Road Trip

Hi friends! Let me take you on a 2,000-mile photo journey of my road trip from home to Iowa. (Pardon the quality of my photos--they were taken with my iPhone through dirty windshields at traveling speed.)

Day 1--Entering Reno

Day 2--through Nevada (I love clouds)

Day 2--Salt Flats of Utah

Day 3 for contrast--Utah salt is hard on the eyes

Day 3--Wyoming

Day 3--Wyoming was also extremely stormy

Day 4--Nebraska

Day 5--Rainy home stretch to Iowa

Day 5--Iowa!

 A few quick stories:

• My superman dad drove the entire 2,000 miles without letting my mom or me take the wheel once.
• I somehow managed to miss every single "Welcome to _____" state sign, but caught the "tah" half of Utah.
• We drove a speedy 45 mph through the more mountainous regions, since my little car couldn't handle accelerating with all of my stuff and the three of us. Embarrassing when big rigs would pass us. 
• Wyoming was a complete dead zone--no reception, and almost nonstop thunderstorms. 
• My mom and I won 300 tickets from an arcade game at Reno, and we traded them for two light-up rubber balls.  
• My mom insisted on eating at Chinese restaurants for dinner in every state ("while you can!") but every restaurant was terrible and had the same Chinese zodiac paper place mat. 
• I was delighted to find that my iPhone charger plugs directly into my car's USB port and can charge and play music at the same time! (okay sorry for being so excited)
• My parents and I were greeted by the nicest and most generous people on the planet, the Trents. Together, they bought all of my furniture as a gift, moved it in for me from 100 miles away, decorated my room, and even took care of little details like purchasing a router, stocking the cabinets with silverware, and making ice in the freezer. They even stocked my room with studying snacks and photos of my family! I really can't express how awesome they are!
• I'm blessed to have arrived safely to my new home after 2,000 miles. Thank God for traveling mercies, my dad's stamina, and for providing everything so abundantly!

Goodbye, California. For now.

After years of dreaming, months of toiling, and weeks of anticipation, I'm finally embarking on my first-ever significant move away from home! It. is. real. No more safety nets of BART rides home at the first twinge of homesickness, familiar faces, or even Asian culture. 

My apartment has been generously furnished already, my little car fueled up, my things packed up, my parents in tow. I even remembered to make a USB drive full of songs for the road today! It's basically a few hours of Sara Bareilles with some Justin Timberlake thrown in.  


I'm grateful that I was able to spend quality time with almost every one of my friends in the last month. Considering that they are scattered across the United States, it's a small miracle. I've been positively overwhelmed by the outpourings of love and support and late night chats. It has been a solid month of sweet reunions and bittersweet goodbyes.

Letters. Part 1, I'm sure

There have a lot of things pressing on my heart lately. But let me just say, I am so richly blessed.

When I was feeling angry this week, a friend came over and sat with me while I poured out my grievances. When I was feeling lonely, a friend greeted me with a hot mug of tea and made me sober up before driving home. When I was feeling vengeful, a friend traveled 3 hours late at night to encourage me to do the right thing. When I was feeling numb, a friend pulled me along and made me hike in the splendor of nature until my lungs hurt. When I was feeling sad, friends near and far reminded me of how loved I am.

I am currently going through a box of letters and cards that I've saved over the years. 

Chances are, your letter is in here. I saved it. I looked at the stamp you stuck on the corner and chuckled that you would pick that one. I pondered the time stamp and felt grateful that you found time to go to the post office. I read your letter over twice before tucking it in my box carefully, in alphabetical order. You made my day. Truly. 

C, I thought that I would make a special mention since your letters have filled their own shoebox since you joined the army all those years ago! Even though we wrote about some insignificant things like what we ate for dinner and what we wrote about in our previous letters (haha!), I cherish them. You've sent letters to all five of my previous addresses! I've saved the envelopes as well (the ones that I hadn't ripped to shreds in my excitement). And O, your postcards and letters have kept me alive.  Like, really alive when I was feeling dead on the inside. What a gift to walk down lettered memories and see our friendship grow. I'm thinking of starting a new shoebox for you, too, but currently many of your cards are posted to my desk. 

Here are a few snippets I came across from my letter collection. I'll keep them anonymous, and in no particular order. 

Right now you are in the state of Virginia doing your medical boot camp program. This makes us approximately 4253 miles apart, which is about 1489 miles closer than when you were in Berkeley. -June 21, 2009

I just ordered you a pepper spray. Put it to good use. -December 17, 2009

Don't let the little mistakes and speed bumps (like a B on a test) make you feel unhappy, or worse yet, make you doubt yourself. I love you more than adenine loves thymine! -December 29, 2009

Every time you encountered a less than happy situation, I saw you grow. Most people grow hard when they encounter hardship. But you seek to find truth about God and about yourself. -May 15, 2011

Happy birthday! We hope you come to Iowa for medical school! -January 13, 2011

In the beginning of our program, the director asked us to draw a picture of the "quintessence of teaching." I drew a picture of me giving a child glasses to see the world around him/her. -June 2, 2011

I genuinely would have loved to have had tea with you, because tea with you is always and without exception lovely. Anyways, this is a grossly overgrown prelude to a letter. I always say too much when I'm nervous. -June 2010

My life would definitely be much worse without you...and oh, you provide an endless amount of entertainment for me on a regular basis. -January 13, 2010

Even though I don't know you that well yet, I think you are BEAUTIFUL. I've already seen you broken and vulnerable, yet so completely covered by God's grace. And if that's not beautiful, I don't know what is. -January 09, 2009

I've learned that it could get tiring meeting new people all the time in college, but seeing you continue to make an effort to reach out inspires me to do the same. -September 7, 2010

Connie, you are so good. You are the best girl I know. So many of my past hurts and fears are dissipated when I'm with you. -July 2011 

For the first time since high school, I am wearing shorts. I just remembered that time you made me wear shorts to go spinning. -July 3, 2011 

Did you know that in the 1950s, you couldn't get shallots in America? Nobody sold shallots! -June 7, 2012

Thank you so much for the book you sent me! I'll write you a letter when I get to Rome tonight. I probably won't send it from there because I don't have Italian postage. Nevertheless it'll still be a letter from Rome, right? -July 31, 2008

I lost my soap yesterday and now I'm sad and will have to borrow soap from other people in the showers. -May 23, 2008 

Dere Cony, I had so much fun with you. You are nice and fun to play with. Why did you cut your hair? I want to play every day. I hop you have nice day. -undated

How to quit your job graciously

• Give your two weeks' notice, and then refrain from (audibly) counting down the days...even if someone else does it for you.
• Do all the work that is required of you as if you will be held accountable in the weeks to come. Don't go de-alphabetizing the charts now...there's enough of that by accident.
• When patients give you a hard time, just know in your heart and thank the Lord that their follow-up isn't until August.
• Invite everyone to the after-work happy hour that your coworker is planning for you...but actually don't because you don't want it to be a big deal. It's awkward.
• Make everything in the office nice and neat for the following day...just the way you like it, even though you won't be there. 
• Gifts, gifts, gifts! I knew that I wanted to give my coworkers and bosses with tokens of my gratitude. But what to give...? This has been a week-long planning and brainstorming process in which I have spent more than I can afford at six stores (Beverly's, The Container Store, Godiva, L'Occitane en Provence, Papyrus, and Safeway). 

I don't take the best photos and I'm pretty sure you weren't here for my iPhone photography anyway. So just focus on the story, okay?

Couldn't decide on a color scheme, and ironically
ended up with my high school colors for ribbon.

These boxes were 70 cents each. And will
most likely be thrown away immediately.
(I wonder why I bother sometimes.)

The assembled 3x3x3 cube cookie container.

Made a second trip to Beverly's to hunt for doilies.
Seriously...doilies. Even Siri didn't know where
I could get doilies in a 10-mile radius.

Cute right? I wanted--no, NEEDED--to prevent
unsightly butter stains from greasing through
the boxes.

Snickerdoodle, Chocolate Chip, repeat.
Each box snugly fits four freshly baked cookies.

The madness continues with cardstock for
personalized name tags...

After a touch of hot glue gun...TA-DAA!
Repeat 15 times, one for each employee
or employer in my office.

My favorite hand cream for the female doctors! This stuff is
pure luxury. And isn't that an awesome box?

Three identical gifts, because I didn't want to
plays favorites.

Complete with cute thank you cards from Papyrus.
I would not be able to afford these if not for 40% off.

Surprise! They flip this way.

Finally, Godiva for the male doctors. No one can complain
about Godiva, right? I had the sales lady
switch out the ribbon for maximum effect.

Excited to give away these gifts tomorrow! And for Hawaii next week! A new chapter is ending and starting simultaneously...and it's all very scary and exciting and real.

May 15, 2013.

As I wrote my withdrawal letters to medical schools that have accepted me, I was humbled to tears. I wish the committees could know how grateful I am for their willingness to give me a chance. 200 out of 10,500....340 out of 4,944...I am but a measly number in this huge pool of premed hopefuls. And yet, they saw something in me. How is it that God has blessed me so abundantly?

May 15 is bittersweet because with this choice, I may have just set into motion the rest of my life!

Little surprises

I have three Wednesdays off in March, and today is one of them. It is also the hottest day of the year (so far!) in the Bay Area, and I am enjoying every moment of it. I may head to the beach later today to spend some quiet time.


I spent the morning purchasing groceries at Safeway. On impulse, I decided to buy a baguette and this:

And let me say, it is everything I ever wanted in a cheese spread, and more.

The mail carrier came a week early and brought me these while I was weeding the front lawn:

Yay! Asics Gel Excel-33 to replace my five year-old Brooks running shoes, which had their last run at the Color Run. I love them already! But I'm undecided on returning them for a half size up. Hm....

I also got a haircut, which went something like this:

Girl washing my hair: "I'm going to let Manny cut your hair. His English is bad but his skill is good!"
Me: "Uh. How long is Eason (my usual stylist) going to be on vacation?"
Girl: "One month."
Me: "Okay, bring on Manny...."

Manny: "You like curl?"
Me: "No."
Manny proceeds to curl my hair.

At least I like the final results!


Today's little surprises have been good for my soul.