This week has been extremely emotional

Leaving home was as hard as I thought it would be, and then some.


My mom flew back to SF on Monday after spending a week on the road and helping me settle in. Saying goodbye was two-part: the first was a talk about life at a nearby coffee shop in which we held hands and wept (we never do things like this). The second was lunch at the airport in which neither of us ate anything and tried not to cry. It didn't matter that we stood by the security checkpoint for what seemed like hours, because it only takes about ten minutes to get from parking lot to flight gate at Cedar Rapids Airport (CID). I wrote her a card for the flight home, and she left me with a long list of things to remember ("health first") and a red lipstick stain on my cheek.


Today was my last day with my dad. He has been around in Iowa since we got here, visiting old friends from his alma mater and staying with Aunt Vickie and Uncle Byron 100 miles away. He stayed for my white coat ceremony even though his own school year starts on Monday. I knew that my dad was having a hard time this morning when he picked me up at my apartment, since he kept clearing his throat and talking in a strained, deeper voice. In his Dad way, he made sure that we filled up my gas tank before he left, got a car wash, and went over topping off fluids for the car one last time. He walked me back to my car after getting his boarding pass (since you can do things like that at CID) and insisted on seeing me off. So I drove slowly until he could no longer walk alongside me. I said one last goodbye to my dad in the rear view mirror, and cried the entire drive home on unfamiliar highways through the countryside.


For the first time in two years, I'm on my own again. Only, this time, it seems that nothing is familiar. I need to learn how to drive on highways with 75 MPH speed limits (most people go at least 85-90 by my guess), how to be single, how to use a Mac, how to drive in snow, how to ride a bus system that isn't Muni or BART or SamTrans, how to make friends with people who don't look like me, how to become a doctor. I guess I haven't thought much about that last one, since I've been so preoccupied with everything else. I've spent so much time thinking about what it would be like to finally get to this point in my life, that I don't really remember why I'm here...


But through the transition from big city to small town, God has been so faithful. He's provided me with a loving family and family-away-from-home whose support I'm able to appreciate more now.  When I was stressing about unexpected expenses this semester, I found out that my rent has been paid for the rest of the year. I cried when I heard that, for the fiftieth time this week. I'll most likely be able to go home for Thanksgiving now, since we get 9 days off. How is it that I'm on the receiving end of so much goodness when I am so undeserving? These are the things that I want to remember when I become a doctor four years from now. These are the things that I promise to pay forward.

The Road Trip

Hi friends! Let me take you on a 2,000-mile photo journey of my road trip from home to Iowa. (Pardon the quality of my photos--they were taken with my iPhone through dirty windshields at traveling speed.)

Day 1--Entering Reno

Day 2--through Nevada (I love clouds)

Day 2--Salt Flats of Utah

Day 3 for contrast--Utah salt is hard on the eyes

Day 3--Wyoming

Day 3--Wyoming was also extremely stormy

Day 4--Nebraska

Day 5--Rainy home stretch to Iowa

Day 5--Iowa!

 A few quick stories:

• My superman dad drove the entire 2,000 miles without letting my mom or me take the wheel once.
• I somehow managed to miss every single "Welcome to _____" state sign, but caught the "tah" half of Utah.
• We drove a speedy 45 mph through the more mountainous regions, since my little car couldn't handle accelerating with all of my stuff and the three of us. Embarrassing when big rigs would pass us. 
• Wyoming was a complete dead zone--no reception, and almost nonstop thunderstorms. 
• My mom and I won 300 tickets from an arcade game at Reno, and we traded them for two light-up rubber balls.  
• My mom insisted on eating at Chinese restaurants for dinner in every state ("while you can!") but every restaurant was terrible and had the same Chinese zodiac paper place mat. 
• I was delighted to find that my iPhone charger plugs directly into my car's USB port and can charge and play music at the same time! (okay sorry for being so excited)
• My parents and I were greeted by the nicest and most generous people on the planet, the Trents. Together, they bought all of my furniture as a gift, moved it in for me from 100 miles away, decorated my room, and even took care of little details like purchasing a router, stocking the cabinets with silverware, and making ice in the freezer. They even stocked my room with studying snacks and photos of my family! I really can't express how awesome they are!
• I'm blessed to have arrived safely to my new home after 2,000 miles. Thank God for traveling mercies, my dad's stamina, and for providing everything so abundantly!

The Iowa Decision

Hi friends! So I allowed a select few to see my updated school status on Facebook...and chances are that you're reading this because the two lists overlap.

This fall, I am going to attend the University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine. I think most people shorten it to simply UI, Iowa (it's the only medical school in the whole state of Iowa), or Carver College (which also happens to be a Bible college in Georgia). Not sure what I'm going with yet.

The decision was made soon after I departed to vacation in Hawaii. So you can imagine me standing on beautiful tropical beach sand, absentmindedly glancing at sea turtles sunning while on the phone with my dad. It went something like,

Me: Hi Dad! Iowa gave me the Dean's Scholarship today. I think I might take it...
Dad: That is excellent news, Connie. I am very proud of you.
Me: Thanks, Dad. Uhm...I have to go now, we're going snorkeling! Call you later.  

It was a pretty fantastic day. Although not a full ride, the scholarship definitely lightens the heavy burden of impending student loans. And if you were wondering, yes, my father does tend to speak quite formally--he once sent me a text message that started with, "Dear Connie," to invite me to lunch. Those are stories for other times.


Anyways. Then sunk in the realization. That I was going to move to Iowa. And live there. For four years. At least.


Here's what I knew about Iowa when I made the decision: 

1. There are lots of cornfields.
2. It snows in the winter and gets blazing hot in the summer. It also is subject to raging floods and tornadoes.
3. It has a very prestigious ophthalmology program, according to all of the ophthalmologists that I worked for. 
4. The medical school is ranked 28th in the US, right behind the Mayo Clinic.  
5. There are lots of cornfields.

 So...yeah.


When people used to ask me about where I wanted to go to medical school, my only wish was to stay in California. Iowa was never on the list of schools that I could envision myself attending. Although I have strong ties to Iowa through my parents (it was their first US home state), I attended the interview mostly for the novelty. Funny how every time I try to pull something like that, God seems to change my mind completely about my intentions and stir up my comfort zones. Like, really stir them up. With tornadoes and snowstorms. Equally funny is that when I want to settle for one thing, He gives me something better. Like, a scholarship for four years? Are you kidding me! It seems like just yesterday when I felt like medical school was the farthest thing from my grasp. 


Now that I am coming to terms with attending Iowa, at least logistically--I have a roommate, put down a deposit on a terrific apartment for August 1 (Bay Area folks, you won't believe what I'm paying!), am starting to pack things up for a cross-country road trip in my little Corolla--I am trying to find peace in my heart with what my life will become.


The Facebook group and school demographics released online suggest I am going to be one of perhaps four Chinese-American students in the entering class of 140, and one of 40 non-Iowa residents. Having never moved more than 25 miles away from my birthplace of San Francisco, I find these statistics to be mind-boggling. I cannot imagine a school more polar opposite to UC Berkeley. It is both terrifying and intriguing at the same time! Who are my friends going to be? Where will I buy my Asian vegetables? How will I present myself differently to my peers, if at all? I suppose now would be a great time to re-explore all of those cultural-racial-identity issues that IV touched on years ago.


For now, I'd love advice on moving and adapting to another state, or just to chat in general. I have about one month or so of unemployment to enjoy, and would love to hang out as much as I can before I leave!

I am a soccer mom

When I moved back home, my parents were both out traveling. While it's been nice to have my own space, much as things were when I lived in my own apartment, the trade-off is that I have to look after my little brother and be head of household this summer.

In two days, my mom is leaving again, this time for Da Lian, China. She's going to meet my dad, who has been in Taiwan visiting family since two days after my graduation. During dinner, she instructed me on replying to her Jury Duty summons for her, paying bills, watering the plants, and turning off the stove. While I munched on blueberries, she showed me where she kept the security deposit box key and living trust documents. While she jogged on the treadmill, I folded laundry and listened to her list emergency contacts that I could call.

As a kid, I thought it was fun when my parents were gone for a week (Canada), maybe two (Europe), perhaps four (Taiwan). It meant that my friends could come over and we could make a mess and be loud without feeling guilty. As I'm getting older and assuming more responsibilities, the more I dread these long absences.

Sure, I can take care of business at home pretty well, even though I'm in a fairly intensive program this summer. But it's my little brother who really drives me crazy (hey if you're reading this, I'm picking you up in half an hour).

When I say that I'm a soccer mom, I say it with amusement tinged with dread and dejection. It means that I have to wake up at 6:45am to drive my brother to class, get to class myself, make dinner for my brothers when I get home, park on the right side of the street so I don't get a street cleaning ticket, clean the lint out of the dyer, call my brother incessantly when he's out past when he said he was going to be (17 year olds, ehh), then pick him up wherever he is. At the end of the day, I do my homework and study and fulfill my hospital duties, have some quiet time, talk to a certain someone, and then go to bed in a timely fashion so I can repeat the cycle.

It's nice to know that I can run a household in my parents' extended absence and still maintain some (minimal) level of social functioning. This can be practice for the future, when I have a family of my own. I said when, and not if. So there.

But... I am only 22 years old. And I have the life of a single working teen (young adult) mother, who also goes to school. It is very, very sad.

I blame the fog, just kidding.

On my first day to PHPCP at SFSU (how's that for an acronym?) I definitely missed the street I was supposed to turn into.

So, I kept driving through some construction around campus. Lots of roads were blocked off, had signs up, or were re-routed. Great.

Then, I followed a long, windy, single-lane road through trees. I felt like I was on my way to Fall Con.

I'm pretty sure I ignored a sign that said "Authorized Vehicles Only" and kept driving.

More construction. People in hard hats stared. Nothing to see here, just a girl in a silver Accord.

Then, I came to a clearing next to some buildings, where the only outlet was blocked by metal poles. I could see cars a couple hedges over, and wondered how I managed to get so lost.

I backed up, merged right down a little lane, and drove between narrow hedges where a gardener looked at me suspiciously.

I rolled down my window, asked if there was any way I could get out. He said No, you aren't supposed to be here in any way, shape, or form.

Then, I apologized profusely, batted my eyelashes, and then he said, Let me take out the pole for you.

I followed him in my car, he took out the pole, I drove through, and all of a sudden I was on State Ave--the street I was supposed to turn into this whole time.

Then, I found a spot in the empty faculty parking lot because I have a permit for such (thanks, Dad).

I walked to class, sat down, and said to the girl next to me, "Man, finding parking is hard around here."

All before 7:00 AM.

The entire time, it never occurred to me to turn around. Not that one-lane roads really allow that kind of thing.

I've replayed this scenario in my head probably two dozen times during my first lecture. Thank you God for providing me with that nice gardener, who probably wondered how in the world I managed to get myself in that location. I'm still wondering myself.