Choosing

I am waiting until after my surgery block in January to choose my future path. Right now, I am at the cusp of medicine and surgery.

I enjoy some aspects of medicine that are more procedural-based, like cardiology or gastroenterology. But...I also don't think I want to do 3 years of internal medicine to get to a 3 year fellowship afterward.

It feels like I have never been able to choose the easy thing in life. I could've chosen to go to a different school for college...in fact, I resisted Berkeley so hard. I could have chosen a different path. I could have chosen not to go to med school. It always feels like God wants me to go somewhere I don't.

And now it feels like I should go into surgery, when I haven't even had my surgery rotation yet. For some reason, all signs point to it. It is the greatest utility for my being. I would be a surgeon and a clinician, whereas not all clinicians can be surgeons. I think when I'm wrung out at the end of my 5 year residency training program, maybe then will I be satisfied that I can be used to my utmost. Maybe.

But I'll have to choose the hard path over the easier path, and there are no easy paths in medicine to begin with.