3 more days

Summer has been beautiful here, if not a bit sweltering. It was 91 degrees today with 95% humidity. I had to get a TB test at the student health center, but otherwise luckily (or unluckily? I'm undecided) I've been indoors studying most of the time. 

I take Step 1 of the USMLE this Saturday, June 13. As the days tick down, I alternate between feeling completely sick to my stomach, and wanting this to be over with because I've been over the material dozens of times. Every morning, I wake up sputtering something like, "Pseudomonas!" or "Orotic aciduria!" 60 days ago I remember thinking, "Oh no! I only have 60 days left!" If I could go back in time, I'd say to myself, "Don't be ridiculous. Sixty days is forever.  Even three days feels like forever now."

A few of my friends have already taken it, trickling into the pool of freedom and life post-step. I want to know what that is like. Will I cry and feel like I've failed, like predecessors have warned? I can't be the ONE person per class who fails this thing, can I?

I don't think I can stand to be around another human being until this thing is over.

I've since stopped apologizing for seeming dramatic. Because unless you've been a med student and have taken Step 1 yourself (and know damn well what the crushing stress and self-isolation is like) then it won't really make sense. And that's okay. We were meant for different paths.

The skies are dramatic, too.