I can speak English

There's been a lot of buzz lately about Fresh Off the Boat, the new TV show featuring a Taiwanese-American family. It's pretty funny and I would recommend it. I resonate with a lot of what is said and done on the show, not only because my parents are from Taiwan, but because I experience things here in Iowa as if I were the Asian dad on the show in 1995.

For instance, I went to church today with my roommate, who is a white girl from Kansas. Same as we've done for the last year and a half. She was ahead of me to get inside, and the usher handed her a program without a word. Then it was my turn, and he said to me slowly and loudly, "Do--you--want--a--program [waves program to punctuate]?" I said, "Yeah thanks, that would be nice."

It's stuff like this that happens every. single. day. to me. People don't think it's a big deal (upon my recalling of this at church, everyone was like, "Eh he was probably just being nice"--really?), or they don't think I should make it a big deal.

It happens to me at school, too.

My clinician mentor is an old white male from the South, and on my first week back to school, he singled me out in front of my classmates and ranted about how he's not sure how people from other countries can become doctors because the culture here is different. It was intensely painful and embarrassing. But I took it. Then I reported it to a higher-up female dean who explained away his behaviors and said that he was "probably just having a bad day." Wow. Just....wow.

I'd never felt more racially isolated and discriminated against.  

It took weeks to resolve this issue through counseling and other mediators, which made the month of January unbearable. I've kind of hated January the last few times around because 1) I can't celebrate my birthday with my family and friends back home 2) I have to be knee-deep in a frozen tundra 3) I'm away from just about everything that I love in the world that loves me back. Or at least welcomes me back with arms that don't point and jeer about the fact that I'm Asian.

I've lived in Iowa for 18 months now, but I'm ready to go back to California. It's easy enough for my white Californian friends to say, "Oh come on, it's not so bad," but for me, it is. People are nice and hospitable here, but when you add in the fact that everyone thinks I'm an exchange student or something, it crosses the line to patronizing. It highlights the fact that most people don't have a clue about where any Asian countries actually are, and what the differences are (case in point: no restaurant in Iowa City specializes in any one Asian cuisine. It's all Pan-Asian, and whatever the chef is most proficient at, is what the restaurant is known for).

I know it comes off as silly and immature for me to want to run back to the comfort of my home state and all of its Asian-ness, but let's be real. You would never move here in a million years, let alone visit.