Quotes from Russian Lady Technician

Advice for getting a raise 

Coworker: "Don't forget to advocate for yourself!"
RLT ((Russian Lady Technician), winking: "Don't forget to [makes motion of wearing a very short skirt]."


Not sure there is a way to say that in English

RLT: "Coney, Coney! How you say in English, 'You want we should make Valentines Day tomorrow?'


Should have said "Please"

Coworker: "Can you pass me the stapler?
RLT: "No! Why you no arms or something?!"


Don't show her your online dating profile

RLT: "You should make ze Ok Cupid! Christina has one, so terrible profile, she get three guys! Ha! Ha!"
Me: "What's so terrible about it?"
RLT: "Ha ha! She said she like eat and sleep, can you believe? I fall down laughing! It's like ze do nothing! Can you believe?"
Christina: "Thanks..."


Blue Moon is also good

Coworker: "My date said that we would 'fly there in no time'...what does that mean?"
RLT: "[gasp] I think he has private jet! I never heard of fly from Oakland to ze blue moon!"
Me: "...Half Moon Bay?"


This happens every single day 

RLT, texting: "Coney, how you spell 'obviously'? Like, 'Obviously you do not like me I will drop you!" (Translation: "If you don't like me/If you don't shower me with gifts/If you don't confess your love to me every minute of every day, I will dump you.")
Me: "O, B, V, I..."
RLT: "Slow down! Slow down! (curses in Russian) Okay, okay go!"
Me: "O as in octopus, B as in boy, V as in Victor, I as in iodine--"
RLT: "What zis iodine?"
Me: "I have to go back to work."