Any Way the Wind Blows

March is not only a long month with no holidays, but also signifies the beginning of the end of the medical school application cycle. Typically, schools stop interviewing in March. So when I got news that my last California school--also my dream school--was a no-go, I was disappointed, but not surprised. It was the last school on my spreadsheet that I cared about. I went to work in a glum mood yesterday, but Russian Lady Technician told me, "Vat should we do, zis is life."


My mom had a similar reaction to me, but with much more theatrics. She was anguished that I most likely will not attend a med school in California. She wondered if things would be different if I had gone away to Johns Hopkins for undergrad; perhaps then I would've gotten into a UC for medicine. Or maybe if I had taken that full scholarship to another "easier" UC, my GPA wouldn't have been "Berkeley low," and then I could have had a better shot. My dad scoffed and said that she watches too many Korean dramas and thus lives in an alternate fantasy land.


As I was listening to her musings and what-ifs, anger and bitterness started to bubble up inside of me. I asked her why it wasn't enough that I worked hard in college, made straight As in several semesters, and still lived a well-rounded life. Why wasn't it enough that I have been invited to interview at nine schools? Why wasn't it enough that I have three acceptances so far? When will it ever be enough for her?


My mom replied that she wasn't criticizing me, but only wanted me near to her. I told her that I appreciate that, but I've lived in the Bay Area my entire life of twenty-four years. Medicine is something that I've always wanted to pursue despite my parents. They've tried to dissuade me because it's hard work and a long road, and they want to see me live an easy life. But for once, this is something that I am doing for me. I might not end up in California in the Fall, but maybe the change will be good. 

 
I told my bestie yesterday that I am scared of picking the wrong med school. I never thought that I would actually have options, and now that I do, it is terrifying.