Lessons from sixth grade

N likes to tell an abridged version of this story of me. Against my wishes. And usually in front of people I don't know. It goes like this:

Once upon a time in sixth grade, I was among the popular kids. My group of girlfriends and I had frequent sleepovers, parties, and were quintuplets for Twin Day. Boys had crushes on me and picked me first for kickball, basketball, or whatever we were playing at recess. And I didn't particularly care for any of them.

The sixth grade end-of-the-year dance was a big deal. We had never had a school dance before. We were leaving elementary school forever, after a year of reigning begotten with six years of accumulated social currency. A boy named R asked me to be his date one day, during recess. R sported a short afro, was the fastest runner in our school, and also the class clown.

R: "Will you go with me to the dance?"
Me: "Maybe. I'll think about it."

I thought about his offer for a minute as his eyes lit up, and then had a better idea.

Me: "Go sit in that garbage can."

R didn't question me at all. He just walked over to the nearest large, industrial-sized rusty garbage can and climbed in. All while I watched, and giggled because I thought he was being funny. And in the end, I said I didn't want a date for the dance.

This is when I realized that I was a mean girl.

I've lost contact with R since sixth grade, but I wonder if he remembers this. I wonder if he was hurt by it. I feel remorseful for being cruel for the sake of being cruel. I wonder if I met him again, if we could be friends.


I tell this story now, because it's taken me this long to realize the weight that my words carry. People have been asking me about leading in InterVarsity for the next year, and I am reluctant to lend advice because I don't want to sway people one way or another. In the end, my opinion matters very little. And I certainly don't want to use my influence in a way that overrides others' senses of conviction and even common sense. But, that doesn't mean I won't have conversations with you, and share about what leadership has been like for me! Just...now that you know this story, if I tell you to sit in a garbage can, don't do it.

;)