Lent

So for Lent I'm fasting from quite a few things.

1. Caffeine. This is the big one. I was up to six cups of coffee and tea a day. Having 8ams every day of the week was my excuse for my morning cup(s) of coffee, and studying late after small group or leaders meeting was my excuse for my multiple cups of tea throughout the day. I'd power through problem sets with a cup of tea in my hand and a feeling of achievement and in my mind. "YES," I'd think, satisfied at how much work I was doing, how productive I was being. I realized that this behavior was more destructive than productive. Don't get me wrong; being on top of school work is good, especially when you are taking six bio and chem classes. But you see, I was relying on this artificial source of energy to get me through the day, instead of asking God to replenish my energy. My life became centered on how much I could do in a day with my own will power. Fasting from caffeine has forced me to seek God in times of physical tiredness. P.S. Ash Wednesday (the first day of me giving up caffeine) was the day of my Chem 3B midterm and also my Bio 1A midterm. God answered my prayers for a light heart and a clear head, and I suffered no withdrawal symptoms until the next day. :)

2. Meat. Last time this year, I was going through a tough breakup of a three-year relationship. From February to April, I basically stopped eating. People told me it was normal to not feel like eating for a while, but I took it to the extreme. I was convinced that the feelings of guilt, self-hatred, and sorrow would subside if I were to punish myself for the ways that my relationship fell apart. I convinced myself that this starvation was a fast. That I was focusing on God in this time of mourning, which was Biblically sound. But it was actually an ultimatum: "God, I will not eat until You heal my heart and take away the pain." Eventually, because I began to depend on Him and seek Him in more ways than I ever had before. But He also told me that fasting out of self-punishment is never glorying to Him. God never encourages fasting for solely discipline or self-denial reasons, born out of intentions other than to build a stronger relationship with Him. (In this way, a diet is not a fast). As for me, things are different this year. Jesus took me on a journey of self-discovery and healing, which I want to remember even in times when I feel content and joyful. I want to remember the good works and complete transformations that He performs! Which is why this year I am fasting for meat as a celebration instead of mourning.

3. Excess waste. The two best examples I thought of were name tags at Large Group and using trays at dining commons. I'm not sure if there is a specific verse that points to Biblical stewardship of the environment, but God does call us to take care of His creation (in this case, trees and water). He tells us to be glorifying to Him in everything that we do--not just in small group leading or other "Godly" things, but in the every day things that are often overlooked and brushed off. I always find name tags in my purses, backpack, stuck to sweatshirts and jackets. This is in no way a guilt trip! to everyone else in IV who uses name tags, but I would rather my stickers (one per week, 30 weeks a year, four years!) be left on their backings for someone else, or better, in the trees that they come from. Actually, it'd be pretty cool if everyone had one reusable name tag. As for trays, I find that using trays at dining commons encourages me to take more of what I won't eat, just because it's easier to carry more. Not using trays helps me to be more careful of my food choices and remember that we are so privileged and undeserving to have abundance. I am reminded of when I was about five, my mom taped a picture of a starving African child, jutting ribs and all, to our dining room wall. Every time my brother didn't want to eat something, she would say, "Be grateful for what you have." I know that when we pray before we eat, we say things like, "Thank you God for this food, bless it and nourish our bodies with it." But we don't say things like, "God, keep the image of those who have little or nothing to eat before my eyes so I won't take food for granted." I'm beginning to realize more and more the mercies that God has poured out into my life, and if not taking that tray from Crossroads and not using a name tag sticker at Large Group will remind me of them, then I will never use a tray or name tag again.

Thanks for reading. And God, thanks for convicting me to fast this Lenten season.